I had seen you on television where you were easily ignored but here you breathe twenty feet from me black as coal with the same potential to burn from the set of shoulders like cannonballs through massive chest articulate fingers that could crack bone and cup infants What is this majestic not primitive not natural It is your connectedness the roots and trunks dawns and calls are you and you them undivided Then I see written in the depthless sadness of your eyes the bars are not to protect me A response to Susan's prompt.
Almost certainly I should edit this for the hackneyed bits – but heck – critical feedback welcome.
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The world is insane and I'm in writing therapy!
you have captured the majestic behind the wires – *nods* and very much likes.
Thanks Rambly 🙂
Oh, I like where you are going with this. Love the first two stanzas, the layered meanings of coal and articulate. #3 I get what you are trying to say–I do–but I really want you to jump to and go deeper into connectedness instead.
and while I have seen
war and death
my eyes cannot hold
what blacks the vision
behind the wire
Just a random thought–you know what I mean here.
I relate. I’ve searched for the words – but can’t quite frame the sense I got – of a creature who somehow had more entitlement, more inheritance and belonging, yet we who feel entitled and are not have caged this extra-ordinary animal. I need a ‘beast in a cage’ simile that can contain this… more musing required 😕
Understood. Sometimes it is so damned hard to translate what is felt.
try this exercise… Instead of drawing the barbed wire–draw the cage and describe the picture, perhaps?
http://jewishwritingproject.wordpress.com/2009/06/01/on-writing-a-poem-related-to-the-holocaust/
What an excellent suggestion – thank you. I have twiddled, I hope to better effect.
You guys are such wonderful poets!! *Admiring nod.*
This syntactical self-abuser thanks you 😀
Wait, where’s my dictionary? 😉
Thank you. I am reblogging because I believe the power of your poetry will influence empathy and compassion for living beings who cannot speak for themselves. Many Blessings! ~Gerean Pflug for The Animal Spirits
PS ~ Am posting a link to this poetry on our Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/TheAnimalSpirits
Reblogged this on THE ANIMAL SPIRITS and commented:
Poet writes and influences empathy for living beings who cannot speak for themselves. All of have gifts that can be used in powerful ways. Thank you to all of the bloggers on WordPress for their acts of compassion. ~Gerean Pflug for The Animal Spirits
Captivating words. I love “the articulate fingers that could crack bone
and cup infants” the tension of opposites. Humans hold the same opposite potentials, to set free or imprison. Thank You to The Animal Spirits for bringing this post to my attention by reblogging.
Regarding the animal poetry challenge by Susan, I hereby throw in my two cents worth of prose ~ “To Kill a Whale”
http://animalspirits222.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/to-kill-a-whale/
~Gerean Pflug for The Animal Spirits
I love how you captured the sadness of his eyes and of yours. A quiet hush at the end Mr. Panda.
Thank you Redby.
I know that one has to take a critical step back when assessing one’s own work, but I think that you can be too hard on yourself. This is beautiful.
You’re very kind Arty – there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-flagellation if it improves the work! But the version posted is a reworking after some interaction with Susan, and it’s better now, so I was being hard on the first draft!
Thanks – I have to say that I’m running to catch up on my WP reading and missed that part.
I have mixed emotions about zoos. I like seeing the animals, but I feel they should be behind bars. So it can be depressing.
This is where I am. It’s complicated – some animals are preserved through zoos, but then that’s because we wiped them out! I love to see them, but would sacrifice this if they could be uncaged and safe.
Reblogged this on Ramblings From A Mum and commented:
This is from Panda – Please check out his site for more very impressive poetry.
This is very painful for me to read so I think you have succeeded in striking at the heart of something very primary. I am reminded of Rilke’s poem about the panther in his cage.
Thank you so much Jeremy – frankly I can’t imagine I’ll ever be implied in a mention of Rilke again, so I’m pasting this in my scrapbook forever!
And yes, there is similarity at least in message if not in ability!:
The Panther
His vision, from the constantly passing bars,
has grown so weary that it cannot hold
anything else. It seems to him there are
a thousand bars; and behind the bars, no world.
As he paces in cramped circles, over and over,
the movement of his powerful soft strides
is like a ritual dance around a center
in which a mighty will stands paralyzed.
Only at times, the curtain of the pupils
lifts, quietly–. An image enters in,
rushes down through the tensed, arrested muscles,
plunges into the heart and is gone.
Rainer Maria Rilke
I am happy to be able to mention you in the same breath as Rilke: compliment intended. 🙂
I was caught by the compassion in your poem; the captivity of animals and their sorrow is a subject that is not only close to my heart -it is my heart. I am always encouraged when others write about this subject with passion and conviction and can do so -as you have- with beauty.