It isn’t broke and you can’t fix it

Recently the government has called for warning labels on wine as there are on cigarettes.

That’s right Cameron – we’re really stupid. All this time we’ve been knocking back the hard stuff convinced it’s got vitamins and life-giving magical wasp-semen in it.

Thank god you’re here to help us poor, retarded infants tie our shoes and not drink the bad man’s medicine.

  • it isn’t that alcohol is the only recreation many can now afford
  • it isn’t that wine gives small solace to those watching their hours rise and wages fall
  • it isn’t that we feel disempowered by a political system that offers only the choice of which party will serve itself next
  • it isn’t that our culture is increasingly shallow and fixated on money without love
  • it isn’t that communities are factionalised in no small part by the divisive language of media and politics
  • it isn’t the suppression of anger from watching the rich profit while the poor are demonised
NHS Super

I hear whiskey cures haemorrhoids too!

None of that. No-one is drinking to forget the hardship of life under a government that has exponentially worsened our standard of living.

So it’s quite right that, rather than admit that the vast majority of anti-social and self-endangering behaviour is committed by people who don’t see enough opportunity for themselves in the world to make it worth fighting; the government assumes we drink too much because we hadn’t realised it might be bad for us.

If ever there was an emblematic moment to show us all the contempt we are held in it is this one.

Don’t worry stupid people, we’ll put a label on things to say if they’re goody things or baddy things – then you can all have goody num num stuff like nicey nicey boys and girls and be weely, weely safe. Yay!

What next? Fix the NHS by telling doctors and nurses they’re supposed to make owies go away?


The world is insane and I'm in writing therapy!

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Posted in Culture / News, Funny (maybe), Rants
10 comments on “It isn’t broke and you can’t fix it
  1. Alice Keys says:

    Oh Panda,

    Reading your post made my day. I can tell that your country is owned and run by the same corporation as ours. This makes us kin.

    We’re being impoverished by run-away inflation while government mouths reassure us that inflation is down to a neat 1%. My savings earns .15% (that’s right, folks point one five). Our tax money is being spent to bomb impoverished desert people on the other side of the world while libraries are being closed at home for lack of money.

    Our homeland security system features concentration camps, gunning down young males of racial minority and the largest and fastest growing commercial (for-profit) prison system in the world. And be-heading has been legalized as a method for killing those deemed to be bad guys. ((SIGH))

    Unemployment is through the roof. My husband and I have been jobless so long that we no longer count as jobless. Foreclosures of houses is on the rise but so are housing prices.

    The corporate giants who make billions by bottling and re-selling municipal water take it from areas in the middle of a severe drought (where I live and ration water) because ground water use is unregulated.

    Be happy your officials are only printing warning labels on wine. We’ve had those for years. And, in California. we have “it’s been known to cause cancer in rats” warning stickers on everything else.

    I LOVE it when you write. It makes me feel SO LUCKY TO LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE! ((Where’s that government drone microphone tonight, Honey?)). GOD BLESS AMERICA!! WACK! ((got it.))

    Really. You must stop by more often, 🙂

  2. oneofaclass says:

    Hey – where’s the warning label that reading this might cause you to laugh so hard you fall off your chair and fracture your hip bone? Or the one that should be on my shoes to point out if I forget to tie them, I could fall right back down after dragging myself up from the ground? Geez, you can’t trust the government to provide the most basic and useful life-saving reminders…

  3. Outlier Babe says:

    PayPal password at the ready, but thus far have failed to locate link to yr page allowing me to order your life-giving wasp semen. Pls help.

    Anything for wrinkle repair? It’s all those d#mned ciggies I smoke.
    (They oughta put a warning label on the pack. Maybe I can sue…)

    • ruleofstupid says:

      Humble face OB, but I was raided the other day – a sting operation! I fell into their honey-trap, got caught ‘extracting waspy love custard’ and they arrested me for beestillia!
      Now I’m on Bee-wing and purvey insectile emissions no more 😦
      I’ll let you know when I’m out… but shhhhh!
      Thanks for dropping by…

  4. benzeknees says:

    I think people have gotten crazy with warning labels because of a litigious society. And if they don’t make the warning large enough, some greedy lawyer will still find someone to sue somebody else. Everybody wants something for nothing!

  5. They’re all the same, aren’t they? My federal gov’t just had to be beaten and shamed into providing support for our ageing thalidomide survivors. In our case, the gov’t wanted the people to go away, not just the owies! Great post, Panda.

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