I am seeking the feedback of those marvellous women who, for unfathomable reasons, choose to regularly digest this Panda’s offerings.
The following thought struck me as I passed an Ann Summers shop today.
I hate Ann Summers.
The why of this can be summarised very simply – because there is no Stan Summers.
Well bollocks to that.
Everywhere women are the object of stares – their faces predominate on billboards, their’s is the smiling face in the corner of a website with the help desk headset on, they drape over cars, straddle bikes, pout for lipstick and even attempt to make diet cornflakes sexy!
As a man I struggle sometimes to remember that there is more to a woman than tits. This isn’t because I’m a misogynist, it’s because my poor brain is assaulted so regularly with sexualised images of women that it’s animal half cannot help but respond to all women as if they were decorative meat.
To be more than a slavering monkey takes continual effort, and I resent that. I resent the fact that in order to be a decent human being I have to fight against the tide, continually correcting for the ‘bad-programming’ of cultural objectification.
I was next struck by the thought that men and women do things for different reasons. I know – I am a sociology Ninja!
Women appear to do things for two reasons: because the things need doing or because the things are pleasurable to do.
Men, on the other hand do things for a variety of reasons which really amount to the same thing. They do things because they believe:
- It will make them appear to have large equipment
- Friends will be envious
- Women will make their lady gardens available
- Other men will feel inadequate, reducing competition for lady-gardens
- Mummy will say ‘well done’
- Daddy will be proud
Essentially, men do things because they want to be seen doing them. This means that men rarely concentrate fully on what they’re doing, since they have to devote some effort to ensuring and checking their audience.
It would appear that this is why women are better at things than men, because women do things for their own sake and pay attention to what they do.
At the same time there is an obvious contradiction here. If men want so badly to be seen, why is it women who are pushed constantly onto the stage?
So this is my call. I want Ann Summers revamped to Stan Summers.
Everywhere I want billboards with women replaced. Instead of ladies in reduced clothing let’s have men pushing out their crotches, pointing to their little bulges and winking. Then perhaps they will see what monumental dicks they so often are, in all the wrong senses!
Stan Summers can be given over to displaying men – in whatever garment women decide they want to see men wearing.
What say you?
Are you with me? And what shall you have me wear? The best suggestion may even get a picture drawn of their outfit – on Mr Panda!
And ladies – are there other reasons you do things? What’s the female equivalent of replacing your penis with a car?