My good Blend Jasc suggested I should write about my attempts to go self-employed.
Frankly they are mostly not interesting, involving spending so long on hold that Vivaldi’s Four Seasons has bored a hole into my brain and made my eyes start to bleed! Or filling out my name and address eight-thousand times until I’m waking up at night from dreams of turning into a house, screaming my postcode… I am not a number… I’m a f… Oh crap, I am a number…
But there have been some priceless moments I thought worth sharing, such as the time my bank sent me a warning about my arrears. Complete with advice on contacting debt agencies and threats of potential legal action, the statement clearly showed I was in debt to the sum of 0.00 pounds. It really did. I was refused a business account because of the flag this debt created.
In fairness the bank were suitably shame-faced when I took the letter in.
Each of these cartoons is a genuine moment, a real conversation I have had. I wasn’t going to do this post, however, until I read today about the governments change in immigration law.
Previously, if someone gained citizenship and had a relative abroad who depended upon their care, they could bring them over to look after them. Then the rules were changed. Now, if a person is able to travel to this country they are deemed well enough not to need care, so can’t come! Brilliant!
This was so similar a paradox to some of my experiences I thought what the hell, and here we are.
Oh lucky you!
The best bit about this tax return? I didn’t need to file one. It was for last year – when I wasn’t self-employed. But because HMRC decided I was (who knows why), I had to file a return. “Once it’s in the computer…” The only way to prove I wasn’t self employed was to file a return!
So I was actually late because I didn’t know until the warning came, and then life hit the skids and I had other worries.
So it seems the tax man is making money by fining surprised people for not filing unnecessary returns. The benefit office is saving money using quixotic eligibility requirements. The bank is reducing its loan commitment by refusing loans to people who need them based on the assumption that anyone who needs a loan is a credit risk.
I have to wonder. Is the world like a stage set? Behind all the scurrying around, nothing is really happening. Every bank and club is secretly just a collection of impossible conditions, so that they never really do anything.
Then I remember. Of course this is what the world is like! We pursue money in order to… um… hold jobs, to, er, get money, to buy things we don’t need so that other people get the money we, um, chased… and then we have to work more to get more money to spend on things we don’t need so that other people make money…………um………
WAIT!! STOP!! I WANT TO GET OFF!!