Some new words for a modern dictionary

Words have increasingly been robbed of their real meaning, so in an effort to return to a language in which we can still speak the truth, here’s a few words I’d like to introduce. Miserability : The capacity for something to suck the joy from any situation. Also, the index of this capacity. Example: Newspapers have a high miserability index, since no matter how many kittens were saved on any given day they will still only publish stories about war, crime and impending disasters. The very best moods can be spoiled by switching on the news or opening the paper.

There's no day the news can't spoil

There’s no day the news can’t spoil

 

Optimism can be over-rated

Optimism can be over-rated

Pseudoptimist: Someone who is ‘happy-go-lucky’ in a vacant headed way. As opposed to a true optimist, who strives to find the positive while being aware of the obstacles, a pseudoptimist is too stupid to know how screwed they actually are.


Blindsight : Blindsight is the capacity that many people have to believe in things which are not true, but which enable them to deny responsibility. For example, rich people are able to dismiss the poor because they believe that everyone has an equal opportunity to be rich, so the only possible reason for poverty is laziness. At the same time, lazy people pretend that their poverty is down to the evil of the rich rather than their own idleness. We almost all believe that someone else is responsible for our ills, and for making the world a better place. Blindsight is the cause of all suffering on earth. Babyshitter : Most of us are intelligent and reasonable enough to only have the number of children we are capable of caring for. However, there are some who spend their life on welfare watching daytime TV and knocking out one child after the next. They then fail to parent them, letting them run wild and feeding them exclusively on Pepsi Max and KFC, so produce a litter of illiterates who are vaguely brain-damaged and will spend their lives on welfare too.

The TV is the only thing well cared for in a babyshitters house

The TV is the only thing well cared for in a babyshitters house

These people are babyshitters. Babyshitters are the primary reason people think everyone on welfare is scum – because babyshitters really stand out in a community, and feed the stereotype that all benefit claimants are babyshitters, which in turn may soon lead to a polocaust (see below). Polattrition: A Polattrition is a member of Government who eradicates their countries basic human rights, liberties or freedoms, or the rights of a section of society by eroding those rights subtly but continuously within every policy and through ceaseless propaganda and spin.

By 2025, voter apathy meant there was no need to pretend any more.

By 2025, voter apathy meant there was no need to pretend any more.

An example would be the way in which Conservatives demonise those on welfare and then take away their benefits, while ignoring the lack of jobs which itself results from poor policy-making. Polocaust: If Polattritions successfully wipe out their target demographic, they are said to have committed a polocaust.

Wisdom always comes too late in politics...

Wisdom always comes too late in politics…

An example would be anglo-american approaches to crime, where increasingly petty crimes are resulting in life-sentences through “two-strike” or “three strike” rules, while at the same time, legislation which protects the wealthy while taxing the powerless is forcing the poorest in society into crime. All the while, this is tolerated because of the ceaseless political message that all criminals are less than human and should be hated, and all poor people are voluntarily unemployed, lazy, scrounging babyshitters. The central difference between a holocaust and a polocaust is that people notice a holocaust and protest about it. Well, that started funny and ended up an angry polemic! I’ve just upped my own miserability index! So do you have any new or funny words you would care to share with a bear? He clearly needs some chuckle-therapy… and to never use the phrase chuckle-therapy ever again… 😯

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The world is insane and I'm in writing therapy!

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Posted in Culture / News, Funny (maybe)
34 comments on “Some new words for a modern dictionary
  1. mobius faith says:

    Great list!!!!
    I knew a pseudoptomist once – she worked at a rescue mission. Your description fits her perfectly. So much for the poor having any hope of escaping their own miserability.

    And you’re right about miserability. You totally spanked this post!
    Great job Panda. 🙂

  2. merbear74 says:

    Fuckfoolery…what my husband does when he decides to be Mr. Fix it around the house. Example: My husband is up to his usual fuckfoolery.

  3. Better than being a “chuckle head” 🙂 Love this post!

  4. Melanie says:

    Ugh. The news sucks. They have somehow blindsighted themselves into thinking sixty seconds is enough to relay the entire story.

  5. I’ve stopped reading the news long time ago, they are too depressing.
    Really nice post sir!

  6. Did someone mention, ‘chuckle head?!’

  7. I would like to know how this dopey word “conflicted got snuck into our language. Conflict is a noun spoken as a past tense verb and if you say “He was conflicted” it is actually a predicate nominative adjective.

  8. Brilliant, as usual. And, VERY funny.

    I support the right of freedom for all living beings to pursue the language of their choice, including the creation of their own language. 🙂 I have created numerous words that I use regularly. I call these words “Gereanisms.”

    ~Gerean (The Animal Spirits)

    • ruleofstupid says:

      Excellent! Glad you enjoyed it – I have some more up my sleeve (but you can blame that on a drunken session at the tatooists!!)
      Keep making up the neologisms – own your language!
      RoS

      • Will look forward to the expansion of the current Panda dictionary. It might be worth considering a Panda Thesaurus in the future. Oh, and perhaps a Panda Encylopedia of neologisms.

  9. Mr Oh says:

    I think you’ve got a Pandasaurus book deal in you. I hate those babyshitters, man.

  10. Love, love, love this post. I live next door to a babyshitter, whose children never wear coats, have dirty clothes on all the time–but her electronics are sparkling clean. Perhaps we should call what she does technopreference?

  11. Excellent. We should remember that there are middle to upper class babyshitters too. They have babies because it’s, like, having the latest designer purse and likewise they shove them all onto a shelf and hire a nanny first thing to dust them! It’s awesome. Or like the crazy fundies who have 19 children but thanks to TLC have gobs of money to pump out more! YAY.

    I hate the news too. Especially Fox News. Which is on in every doctor’s office around here, in order to insure repeat customers.

    I can’t think of any new words right now. I’ll get back to you.

  12. unfetteredbs says:

    excellent as usual sir.

You can tell me anything (yes, even that!)

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