New Job – A Poem

Hello and welcome to your interview

I’m going to detail the role for you

I can only give some vague outline

But you’ll pick it up in time


So basically the wage

Is lower than any other job on earth

There are no holidays

And there’s no end to the work


You’ll be on call twenty-four seven

With a continually changing shift pattern

You have to teach yourself any skills

As you face whatever happens


Years ago this was a four person job

Two senior staff on stand-by

Two juniors on the shop floor

But we can’t afford that any more


Nor can we afford training

Anyway, plenty don’t think the job

Needs any explaining

And we don’t want to hear you complaining


There’s a library if you’re really stuck

Although every book says something different

So you’re just as likely to become paranoid

As well informed – Good luck.


Oh, and the post has a limited span

But there’s no pension plan.

Now, would you still like the job?

Or shall I put the condom on?

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The world is insane and I'm in writing therapy!

Tagged with: , , ,
Posted in Funny (maybe), Poetry
35 comments on “New Job – A Poem
  1. Laughing hysterically – crap I hope my new position isn’t like the above!
    Catchy, lyrical and as usual brilliant! The library verse- can’t afford training – aaahhh love love love
    Oh shall I put the condom on?
    You are such a ‘Beast’
    Well done Mr. P I like to see you humour emerge.
    πŸ˜‰

  2. crap wanna correct the you to you’re?

  3. Hahaha–this is great–applying for parenthood never sounded so appealing. Yes, latex, PLEASE!

  4. Oh me again – I’m halfway through your suggestion- thank you!
    Feel free to offer more – I need another brain right now. πŸ˜‰

  5. JackieP says:

    haha! too funny! The job with me always came with latex! πŸ˜‰

  6. Boom – got me! I have to admit I can tend to zone out w/ poetry – no span of attention. Glad I made it to the end! Hysterical

  7. UndercoverL says:

    BRILLIANT! I am so honoured (I even spelled it right to show the depths of my honour) to have inspired this. It’s all true and correct!

  8. Omg, so funny. I love the twist at the end. Course, with this economy, pretty much every job feels a little like this, but none quite like parenting! LOVE my kids, but if I’d known everything in the job description? Condom would have stayed ON.

  9. How did you get to be so cynical? I’m sure it wasn’t from me πŸ™‚

  10. mobius faith says:

    Sounds like every retail job I’ve ever had – OMG the shakes are starting. Get my pills. Fuck the pills give me whiskey. πŸ™‚

  11. A condom and a kiss when you are done please.
    Brilliant

  12. Mr Oh says:

    Roll on Durex sponsorship for ROS.

You can tell me anything (yes, even that!)

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