Cameron wants to put the price of alcohol up to prevent alcohol abuse. So let’s follow that logic through.
England has a growing obesity problem.
All food which contains any fats, especially meat, ready-meals, sweets and snacks, can have a new layer of duty imposed – we can call this the Lard Levy.
We can double the VAT on plus size clothes – or make anything over a size 16 out of coarse-hessian with thorns on the inside to make them really uncomfortable. This will incentivise gut-buckets to stop with the face-shovelling.
We have a pollution problem.
While industry and industrial transport contributes 90% of pollution, it’s easier to just price the public out as they can’t fight back. Massive fuel taxes ought to prevent those ugly fat people hauling their giant asses to the pasty shops.
Increased car tax, reduced heating-fuel allowances for the elderly, dramatic rises in energy costs should all prevent poor people from using these things and mean there’s more for those who deserve them.
In fact, since according to the media the ideal female figure is actually a collection of toothpicks, we can leverage the self-hate this has engendered in every normal sized woman in the west and force anyone over a size 8 into woven-hemp sacks. This will encourage extreme dieting and so reduce passenger weight on planes, cargo weight when transporting clothes and make for a one-size-fits-all dress manufacture, which will be easier for the blistered hands of the child slaves who make the outfits.
People are becoming lazy
The primary cause appears to be that we watch too much television or spend all day on our laptops. Hiking the cost of TV sets and computers ought to help. Care should be taken, however, as TV and computers have important side-effects.
You can spend a decade in government shitting on the poor from a great height and no-one will complain as long as there’s back-to-back Jeremy Kyle or YouTube videos of cute cats to look at.
The internet is also a great resource for collecting personal information. Once the Human Rights Act has been removed and the Snoopers Charter is in place, there will be no need for ID cards, since every email, purchase and personal detail will be handed straight to the government.
This package of cuts and taxes solves many of our current social problems. Unable to afford alcohol and food, violence will decrease as yobs will be too weak to fight. The elderly will freeze to death and those on benefits will starve, saving a huge amount on welfare payments.
Since the poor will not be able to afford to drive, simply placing polling stations in out-of-town locations will prevent them voting and mean we can drop all pretence to democracy and finally have our little ‘Aristocracy Club’ back, just like the good old days.
Go tories, Go Tories.
According to the Conservatives, every problem in the world boils down to economics. People are unemployed because welfare pays too well. People are alcoholic because beer is too cheap. Education is failing because money is wasted and teachers are over-paid into laziness.
But we are not units of finance. We are people. We are dreams and hopes, loves and desires, needs and fears, we are the beautiful new born, the sunrise from a hill-top, we are passionate poetry and great literature, we are art, laughter, sorrow and striving.
Treating everything as a financial matter dehumanises everyone, it turns us into things in precisely the same way as Jews were made into things. You cannot hurt a group of struggling people, but you can solve an economic problem. You couldn’t take from the most needy, but you can punish welfare scroungers. Worded as human situations, we would be disgusted at what the Tories are doing, but couched in the comfortable language of percentages and deficits, balances and payments, we can vote for cuts we no longer see the human face of and legislate people to death.
The problems of the world are not economic. People built the economy, and people can do anything they like with it, because it is man-made – it’s ‘laws’ are not immutable, they are false limits the wealthy insist on to keep hold of their money and power.
The problems of the world are not economic. You cannot eat money, or marry it, or have children with it. It only has use when used to get something else – you cannot draw, play, write or parent with it, only with what it buys you. It is a middle-man. It is, of itself, nothing. Imagine if you will that we just built things and fed each other because we thought it was the right thing to do.
The problems of the world are not economic. Our problems are human problems. Our solutions need to be humane solutions.