All over the house are dead hamsters. My son was so devastated he dug the shotgun out from the under-stairs cupboard. I’d take a photograph of his corpse to further shame you, but it’s kind of spread all over the walls and floor and I can’t get it into a single shot (something he was plainly able to manage).
Are you proud? Are you happy now? You sicken me!
But don’t think you’re going to get away with it, because it’s far from over – for I have this:
Yeah. Watch your backs.
And just to show you their spirit isn’t broken, my last living hamster has a message for you – so heed!