For the love of two craps in a basket, what is going on!!!???
Today I sat in the high street next to two fake gold (yes gold, for (bleeps) sake – not even fake green but gold – because we’ve all seen the famous golden trees of … oh, hang on, NO WE HAVEN’T) Christmas trees.
That’s revolting, but not the end. Next to these fake trees was a fake hut, made up like little elves might make your pressies in there with tiny lanterns over the door – aaah.
Now I’m blowing fluids from two ends. But there’s more.
This twee assemblage is part of a fake ice rink in the town centre.
Now, before you say how darling it is to spend thousands of pounds keeping several tonnes of water at sub-zero temperatures instead of putting that money toward making sure pensioners can remain ABOVE said temperatures – I should point out. There’s ALREADY AN ICE RINK.
Yes, about 500 yards away, in a building, all year, is an ice-rink!
I have horrible things spraying out of me everywhere now…BUT. This is STILL not the end.
Because today they were spraying FAKE SNOW, ON THE FAKE HUT BY THE FAKE RINK WITH THE FAKE TREES!!!
Why, Why, WHY, WHY!!
I am no longer spouting vile fluids, I have simply burst, everywhere, spattering entire flocks of bewildered and disgusted pedestrians with my disdain.
If we’re going to fake the lot, why not fake the lot!
We’ve sucked Jesus and religion out of Christmas, injected it with manic consumerism and greed – ensured everyone is utterly miserable from being newly poor, or unable to afford the presents at all, so they have to FAKE being as happy as the twittering arseholes in EVERY film and on EVERY news programme (wearing their ‘hilarious’ knitted, seasonal sweaters and antlers – Oh stop you crazy people you are sooooo funny ) beaming from EVERY billboard and spread up EVERY aisle (I’ll spread something up their aisle if I get the chance!)…grrr…
So why not let’s stop pretending that Christmas is anything but layers of fakery upon layers of fakery. Fuck having it on a cold December – let’s have it in June, change the name to “Cake and Presents-Mas” and spread fake snow on our lawns full of fake trees by our houses of fake elvin-ness with fake ice-rinks in.
I actually like christmas – not in a “ooh, I’ll randomly LIKE everything in the hope it drives traffic to my blog (yes, still mad about that)” way – or in a “OMG a photo of your cat looking like a cat – LIKE” Facebook sort of way.
I like Christmas in a – chance to rest and spend consecutive days with my loved ones and spend hours creating edible splendour and napping – sort of way.
Can I have it back please.