The One Ungrateful Bastard Award

I am the recipient of a ‘One Lovely Blog’ award. Three things are true about this.

One. My feelings of moist delight towards my nominator – day-dream-daisies – are unequivocal.

Two. Whatever else, it felt very affirming to be nominated.

Three. I realise I’m not a huge fan of awards – at least as they stand.

The One Lovely Blog award requires me to say seven things about myself, nominate a further 15 blogs, post the award logo and link back to my nominator (In the year 3019 THE NOMINATOR is sent back in time to 2012 to kill the inventor of the Blog that would one day grow sentient and take over the internet, leading to all content becoming self-referential, creating an ‘information’ black-hole, sucking the whole world-wide-wobbly-web into a quantum-sphincter.)

Shocked girl, smug boy

Point 7. It points, and its sev… ok, that’s enough…

I have linked back, because I like Daisies and know she meant the award as a thing of warm fluffy niceness. As for the seven things about myself…

Two arms, one head, a torso, two legs and oh my…!

I won’t nominate blogs for many reasons. I have a page for all the blogs I follow, which are still only a fraction of those I’d like to follow if I had time to read them. In any case there’s a ‘blog’s I follow’ bit on my, erm, blog. If you want to know who I follow you can look already.

As for the badge – it feels a bit “look how great I am” to be shouting about awards, and I’m egotistic enough already.

My favourite kind of modesty

Is false modesty

After all

It’s all I can have

I hope some people out there are sufficiently messed up in the head to read my stuff – and a handful clinically certifiable and likely to Follow my blog. So my self-actualising Award is the number of followers I have. Mwah, mwah, oh it’s so amazing, I love you all, swoon, gush, quiver…

Finally – all this time finding original ways to respond to awards that thousands have already received (just google one lovely blog – as I did when trying to find out what it was all about) is time I could be spent ranting and swearing about something!

For example, I think hard about who I follow, and I ALWAYS READ POSTS BEFORE I LIKE THEM. Whereas there are a fair number who either have eight heads, thirty computers and never sleep, or who are just ‘liking’ and ‘following’ absolutely everything, NEVER READING ANY OF IT, in a cheap and frankly tedious attempt at driving traffic to their site (and it works! bastards!).

Johnny Five robot like and follows everything

although at least Johnny ‘Liked’ input he’d actually read…

To those people (you know who you are) I say – stop pissing all over the value of ‘like’ and ‘follow’ and go and get yourselves a commercial site and do some SEO. A blog is a social thing, not a shop f*king window.

See – how much fun I can have ranting!

So…awards.

If I were to invent an award it would be the “Just Some Love” award, or the “Respect” award. I would give it and require nothing in return – which is how I think awards ought to work. “I love your stuff, now stick this pixelated badge in some digital drawer and feel smug for two minutes. Done? Good, now shut the f*k up and move on.”

😈

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The world is insane and I'm in writing therapy!

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Posted in Funny (maybe), Rants
13 comments on “The One Ungrateful Bastard Award
  1. …that my friend was perfect!

  2. Hear hear! I tend to yell at people who just like my stuff repeatedly. Blogging is a wonderful community medium and shouldn’t be treated as a business.

    ..I like badges though.. 😀

  3. MishaBurnett says:

    Yeah, I was recently nominated for an “Inspiring Blogger” award, with the same rules–seven things about me, nominate fifteen people. Instead I wrote a poem about how I’m not inspiring, it was easier.

  4. ❤ If we wanted Kudos for what we do, then that's what Facebook is for. But love it. 🙂 You have a twist of words that is witty and cutting and just makes me giggle.

  5. Congratulations on the Award. I so relate this post, particularly enjoy the scenario of 3019. LOL hilarious. And thank-you for comment that a blog is a ‘social’ site (er, social media everyone) and not a place to set up shop. There’s lots of shopping mall elsewhere in cyberspace. Take care.

  6. Haha this made me laugh, the 3019 scheme is especially delightful. I don’t want to see awards as superficial however, I wanted to take part because I felt grateful for being nominated. I know you’re going to call this naiive, but go ahead. 😉 I will still stick to my opinion about you, you’re lovely.

  7. Teeny Bikini says:

    Thank you for this. I hate that I feel so conflicted when I get those. I feel like I am blowing someone off who is being really sincere, and that sucks. But I don’t want to do any of what is “required” ’cause I am lazy. And the idea picking/excluding blogs that I like makes me a little queasy too. That said, I like your approach and candor, of course. Cheers.

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